Acknowledgments          6

Foreword (By Charlie Daniels)         9

  ~~~
  Preface

Every time I seriously considered writing a book, I would wonder why anyone would want to read my story. Numerous friends and acquaintances with whom I have shared my personal testimony over the years have asked me, "Why don't you write a book about your testimony?" I usually shrugged it off but sometimes would answer by saying that someday I just might. Someday finally happened, and this is my story.

My aunt has hosted a weekly women’s prayer group for more than twenty years. In that time, many prayers have been answered. One day my aunt asked if I would be willing to share my testimony with her friends. We spent an entire afternoon exploring my past. One question led to another and someone suggested I write a book. As we concluded our time together, my aunt and her friends prayed for me. One of their specific prayers was that God would use my testimony for His glory and the deliverance of others.

That experience came at the beginning of 2009. As I write this introduction, it is still January. Not a great deal of time has elapsed. However, that afternoon has stayed with me. I believe it was an ordained appointment.

Why would anyone want to read my story? There may be any number of reasons, I suppose. Although my story of deliverance is not typical for most Christians, deliverance in itself promotes hope and strengthens faith. Most of us do not anticipate being thrown into a pit by our brothers and sold into slavery, but reading Joseph’s story should encourage our own personal faith as we see that God delivers even in the direst of situations. I am certainly not comparing my life to Joseph’s. Rather, I am suggesting that it doesn’t matter what your circumstance. We are all in need of deliverance, redemption, and a Savior.

There are many Christians held captive in spiritual bondage, oppression, and deception. Some of you may be able to relate more specifically to my story than I realize. For all of you who have been through or are going through similar struggles, I desire the same deliverance God has mercifully brought to my life through the Gospel of Jesus Christ. His deliverance and abundant redemption are the best experiences we can share on this earth.

Mine is not the story of someone whose chains were worldly passions or a life descended into the gutters of sinful living. My chains were a false religious system and crippling spiritual deception. I believed I was a Christian, but did not know the Gospel. Robbed of God’s promises by men who added their own set of requirements to faith in Christ, legalism prevailed. I had no joy. I envied Christians not exposed to this “truth.”

Despite my desire to live for God all those years, I was a prisoner of my chains. I needed deliverance as much as any sinner in the gutter. I knew nothing of the freedom Christ had died to provide for me.

There are aspects of my personal testimony that are unique, but I am just an ordinary person. I do not think of myself as particularly interesting. However, when I have the opportunity to share my testimony with others, it often sparks endless questions. Whether they relate to my story or not, many do seem genuinely interested in the details. My husband has told me he cannot imagine anyone, let alone a Christian, believing the things I was taught. Although it is a foreign concept to him and others I have talked to, it was my life for forty-three years.

I have no desire to author an exposé or a “tell all” type of book. This is my spiritual journey and my testimony of deliverance. However, I cannot share my deliverance without revisiting my captivity. I intend to leave out unnecessarily salacious details, focusing on the events that had the greatest impact upon my life. Unfortunately, some of those details include scandal. My story overlaps with many other people’s stories, and the best illustrations are often real-life examples. I will make every attempt to write with precision and accuracy, verifying my memories through other sources. I deliberately conceal the personal identity of victims. Where I give someone's identity, the details are a matter of public record, or the person has given me express permission.

Since this book is about a personal journey, I cannot avoid revisiting conversations, interactions and experiences that have shaped and influenced my life. It is not my desire to hurt or embarrass anyone. Therefore, I will struggle with that aspect of my writing from beginning to end. I am well aware that my book will create different levels of discomfort for many. I genuinely grieve that unavoidable consequence.

I grew up in a religious cult. It is difficult for me to use that word in print because it is inflammatory. I am aware that the word conjures up images of mass suicide, burning buildings, polygamy, and such. Those extremes are not part of my story, nor do I have any expectation that those dangers exist today for others within my former church.  However, because of my love for the Gospel, I know I cannot be shy about confronting the deception and bondage that is so pervasive in all false religious systems, such as the one in which I grew up. Sometimes we must take a bold stand, accepting whatever personal consequences come as a result. Love and apathy cannot harmoniously coexist.

Those of us who have walked this path of deception are uniquely able to relate to one another. For some, trust becomes virtually impossible after confronting the deception of our past. Others do not want to set foot in another church because they are hurt and angry. We react to our wounds differently, but we are all keenly aware of how difficult it is for other Christians to understand or relate to our experiences. I want to help those who are hurting and lacking the emotional support they need to find healing. I want to say to those of you I have never met, “I understand your pain. I have been where you are.”

While I cannot personally reach out to every hurting person, I can educate. In sharing my testimony, I hope to equip you with a deeper level of understanding. As children of God, we need genuine compassion for others, even those with whom we may not necessarily be able to relate or with whom we don’t have shared experience. God mends broken hearts and spirits. More often than not, He chooses to do this through us. We are His instruments.

I would like to convey this message; do not ever lose sight of the reality that God wants to use you, whoever you are, to comfort and encourage others who cross your path. It is an important part of our calling to be salt and light. I believe that reading my deeply personal story may help you to recognize a ministry or friendship opportunity you might otherwise have missed.

Self-disclosure comes easily for me. God made me a communicator. However, not everyone is able to share as freely and openly as I do. Several friends have shared with me that they feel reluctant to reveal their experiences to other Christians. They fear being viewed as strange or gullible. All those held captive in spiritual prisons carry wounds. I have made tremendous progress in my healing process, but I still bear many scars. They are just not as visible as they once were.

For those of you who may one day cross paths with someone struggling to heal from spiritual abuse, I hope that reading my story will help you to better understand and minister to these wounded souls. For those who have left, or recognize the need to leave a similar environment, I hope I can convey hope and provide encouragement. You are not alone in your journey. Others, like me, have walked in your shoes. I want you to find comfort and emotional support in this book. More importantly, I want you to grasp the truth that Christ died for your redemption and freedom. You must simply put your faith in Him and take hold of that freedom. It is yours in Christ!

Growing up, I knew nothing of that freedom. I did not know what it meant to be in Christ. I only knew what it meant to be in church.

My sincere hope is that my story of deliverance might play even the smallest role in another soul coming to know the freedom and the hope found only through Christ and the true Gospel.

“The richest testimonies come from people whom Christ has made whole and
who still remember what it was like to be broken."    Beth Moore